The Art of Somebody Training: Learning and Unlearning Life’s Lessons

(Sometimes advice for a high school graduate is helpful for all of us to hear.)

Here you are! You have arrived at this important step along the journey of your life. In video game terms, you have completed a very important level, and now you are about ready to start the next level. You slayed the dragon known as “high school,” so the powers-that-be are giving you the all-important proof of your hard work—a piece of paper with your name on it called a diploma.

That piece of paper is not any old piece of paper! It signifies years of blood, sweat, and tears. That piece of paper proves that you made it out of your first huge stage of Somebody Training.

What am I talking about when I say Somebody Training? Your parents, grandparents, teachers, aunts, uncles, and other significant figures in your life have all been telling you how to be a Somebody in your body. Even when they don’t use those words specifically, your childhood has consisted of adults all telling you the right and wrong way to do things.

When you did things right, you received a compliment, a star, a trophy, or a release to move up to the next grade. When you did things wrong, you received a reprimand, a wagging finger, a sharp “NO!” a time-out, or a grounding from electronics. All of this has been your own personal Somebody Training to teach you who the humans in your life expected you to be. When you did things they wanted, you felt good because they weren’t upset with you. When you did things they didn’t want, you felt bad because they corrected you, and sometimes their corrections were not very enjoyable.

All of this Somebody Training has been happening in the background of your awareness. Life has been simply happening “to” you and some days (most days, let’s be honest) you wonder what is the meaning of it all. Why all this Somebody Training anyway? And why does everyone all get different training from different parents, grandparents, teachers, etc.?

Why are some kids being trained in homes where mom and dad are together and everyone seems to be relatively happy? Why are some kids taught their Somebody Training in super nice houses while others may be very poor and may even be homeless? When you compare your own Somebody Training to other kids around you, you may be feeling some frustrations about why your experience wasn’t like theirs. That’s a completely normal feeling.

The only answer I can say—and it’s not a very satisfactory answer—is your Somebody Training was unique to you and to you alone. Nobody in the entire Universe had the Somebody Training quite like you had it. You have done a great job getting to this level of the game and are now preparing to embark on the next level of your Somebody Training.

Now that you have that important piece of paper that says you mastered this level, I want to let you in on a little secret: There’s a lot more Somebody Training to come, and none of the adults around you have it figured out. They too are still in their Somebody Training, and they are simply trying to figure it out as they go.

You may take some college classes and have professors who you would hope know a thing or two about this Somebody Training, but they don’t. You may get a job in order to get money for important things like food, rent, gas, a car, more video games, or a new phone or tablet. You will have a boss at this job who you would think has some idea about all of this Somebody Training nonsense, but they don’t either.

You might choose to attend a certain church or social club who seems to have a little more understanding than the rest about all this Somebody Training; you may get involved and spend years learning all the lingo that the group speaks and maybe even move up the ranks within the group. You may pick someone from the group to follow since they appear to have a handle on all their Somebody Training—but they don’t either.

By now you may start to feel a little frustrated since apparently nobody seems to know anything about this elusive Somebody Training I am speaking about. If you are lucky, if you ask enough people and search long and far enough, you may stumble upon someone who is honest enough to tell you the truth. What I mean by telling you the truth, they will look you in the eyes and they will say to you with full sincerity: “I don’t know.”

Finally! Someone tells you the truth that everyone knows but nobody says: “I don’t know.” Everybody walks around and acts like they know and makes you feel like you’re the only one in the world who doesn’t know. But finally, you meet this kind soul who is willing to admit to you that they don’t know either.

Now you’re getting somewhere. When you meet someone who is honest enough to admit they don’t know, that’s someone you should spend some more time with. When you meet someone who admits they don’t know either, but they are open to trying to figure it out together with you, and they are curious, open, and connected with the idea of co-creating with you, that’s somebody you can truly enjoy spending more time with. That is someone you can discover new things in this world with. In a world full of people that think they know; you want to surround yourself with people who are open to not knowing.

Sure, learn everything you possibly can from the ones that think they know. Let them teach you all the good information they have learned along the way in their own Somebody Training. Listen to what they are teaching you. The more skills you can gain along the way, the better. Those skills serve as cheat codes that will help you level up faster than your peers are leveling up. Cheat codes make the game so much more fun since you get to see so much more of the game than those without the cheat codes get to see. The more skills you learn, the higher you will level up. Pretty simple strategy.

But the problem with this game called Life is there’s no instruction manual or cheat code booklet to help you skip all the boring levels to get to the important ones. The only way to, is through. The more skills, the better. So, how do you learn these important skills? Try things! Try lots of things! Your teens and twenties are all years that you should be trying as many things as you possibly can. The lie that society has been telling you—that you should know exactly what to do or be at 18—is very unfortunate.

Let me speak honestly for a minute: Nobody! Nobody! I mean this! Nobody has it all figured out what they want to be at 18. Nor should you! So relax, there’s not something wrong with you because you don’t have it all figured out yet. Nobody has it all figured out. They are lying to you if they tell you they have it figured out. They think they have it figured out—for you—but they are clueless about having it figured out for themselves. They are simply winging it, just like you are. They are figuring it out along the way just like the rest of us. One thing you will learn about humans is that everyone is an expert on everyone else. It’s easy to be an expert on others since it’s obvious what they “should” do, but it’s nearly impossible to be an expert on yourself.

Explore what makes you tick. Delve into your motivations, thoughts, feelings, and choices. Understand why you accept certain behaviors from some while standing up to others. This introspection is vital. As you embark on this journey of self-discovery, you’ll start to notice what truly resonates with you. Your friends and family, often without realizing it, will point out what you excel at and what brings you joy. Listen to these cues—they’re not just passing comments, but the Universe nudging you towards your true path.

This is the essence of your Hero’s Journey. It’s about embracing the unknown, recognizing serendipitous moments, and following the paths they suggest. These moments, seemingly insignificant, are actually guideposts, illuminating your unique journey through life, guiding you towards your passions, talents, and potentially, your vocation.

You’ll know you’ve found your calling when what you do not only improves your well-being but also contributes positively to society. When you lose track of time because you’re deeply engrossed in your activity, when you feel that you’re in sync with the Universe, creating something meaningful—whether or not it brings you wealth. That’s when you realize your gifts and passions are intertwined with your career.

In my counseling practice, I often tell clients that from ages 0-30, we unconsciously take on all kinds of Somebody Training. Then, from age 30 to death, we’re tasked with unlearning much of that Somebody Training that happened in those formative years. So much of how we react in adulthood to certain situations has everything to do with our Somebody Training in the first three decades of life, and it happens completely outside of our awareness.

Embrace this journey, for each step is a lesson in becoming the person you’re meant to be. And remember, in the grand game of life, the only way forward is through, equipped with the myriad skills you gather along the way. So keep learning, keep trying, and most importantly, keep playing. The game isn’t over; it’s just reaching a new level.

Challenge yourself to embrace the unknown, to learn and unlearn. Whether you’re just starting out or looking to pivot in your life’s journey, there’s always more to discover about yourself and the world around you. Don’t wait for life to happen to you; engage actively with it, question the norms, and carve out your unique path. The quest for self-discovery and personal growth is lifelong.

Are you ready to take the next step in your Somebody Training?

Let’s level up together.

Peace my Friends,

~Travis