The space between you is highly responsive because it’s generative space—whatever you put into it multiplies exponentially. This is why marriage can be so difficult and so great: the space that multiplies and magnifies any negativity between you also multiplies and magnifies the generous and kind things you do for each other. This generative space responds to whatever you put into it, magnifying the good things you do for each other as well as the negative things that echo between you. This is true for whatever you bring to the space, including the things that you aren’t aware of.
We bring our entire selves to the space between us.
You cannot keep your issues to yourself. The space is too responsive. It’s like a motion sensor, picking up the most subtle movements. You can’t hide anything, even if you think you’re hiding it.
You’re intentional about your own health because your marriage will only be as healthy as the least healthy one of you. As counterintuitive as it may seem, taking care of yourself is one of the best gifts you can give the person you are married to. This includes exercising, eating well, getting enough sleep, engaging in regular practices that feed your soul—these are all essential to giving your best to the person you love.
Pain and discomfort and the gnawing sense that things could be better are your friends. They wake you up, they stir you to action, they motivate you to get help. This may mean initiating difficult conversations, finding help in a book or class or retreat, or seeing a therapist or doctor or spiritual director.
Sometimes a disruption is the best thing for the space between you.
Sometimes the problem is you. You brought something to the space that you haven’t dealt with, and it’s affecting you both. Until you deal with it, it will continue to have a negative effect on the flow between you. The space, however, is highly responsive and it’s surprising how even the smallest steps toward health can significantly change things.
Rob and Kristen Bell — The Zimzum of Love (pp. 26-31)
The Zimzum of Love is all about the space between two people in a committed relationship. This zimzum is the magnetic pull that draws—and keeps—a couple together.
This book describes one of the simplest concepts about relationships. The space between couples is vital and must be protected at all cost. The world, friends, parents, extended family, occupations, and hobbies will all attempt to come into that space that needs protected.
People assume their relationship shouldn’t take any effort. Our culture feeds us the BS that if we marry our soulmate we’ll never have any difficulty. Instead of looking inside ourselves for our happiness, we naively assume our partner is somehow responsible for our unhappiness.
If you are currently going through a difficulty in your relationship, have hope because a disruption may be exactly what you both need. The disruption may bring you two together and help repair the space that has been broken. Don’t give up. Use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow as much as you possibly can.
Have a blessed day.
Peace and Love,
PS. Go Blue!!!