When we were children, to survive in our particular environment we had to tolerate being mistreated. Now we no longer have to tolerate being mistreated. We now have a choice.
We no longer have to waste our energy on denial, because we now sense and see things for what they really are.
We establish appropriate boundaries and limits with people. If people continue to run roughshod over us or ignore us, we say either, “No, you can’t do that anymore” or we get out. We don’t stand in the rain anymore and pretend it isn’t raining. We are no longer victims or martyrs.
Charles Whitfield — Healing the Child Within (p. 123)
When we heal our Child Within, we learn there are other ways to deal with being mistreated than how we dealt with it before. When we were younger, we may not have had many options other than taking it on the chin. Now that we’re older, we are able to set healthy boundaries and insist being treated appropriately. We can either insist different behavior or drastically sever ties in the relationship.
I recently read an Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson that reminded me of this concept.
- I walk, down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost . . . I am hopeless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
- I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
- I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in . . . it’s a habit. My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
- I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
- I walk down another street.
Remember, you always have the option to walk down another street.
Have a blessed day.
Peace and Love,